Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Haters make me famous

Today while walking the dogs, I had a couple thoughts on ignorance, racism and maybe a couple thoughts on Clint Eastwood's role in Gran Torino. I had planned to compare racists and white trash rednecks. Most specifically one redneck, white trash moron who commented on one of my screenplays and my desire to create in its entirety.

Back in front of a computer, my rambling mind took a trip to "People of Walmart". It's a funny website to see what some people wear while shopping at Wallsmart. It was right there on the first photo of a shopper, a t-shirt that said "Haters make me famous". When one of my scripts makes it to film, I'll be buying one of those shirts and getting a picture of myself wearing it. I fucking hate haters and especially ignorant, Reicht Wing, white trash, "Christian", hateful, half-witted rednecks.

This particular hater is a relative. I mentioned to this person that I had a screenplay that relates directly to that person's environment. Nothing at all of any intent on my part to demean or be negative in any way to this redneck's simple mind. But the redneck's response was ghastly and truly ignorant. I hurt this hillbilly's feelings by even aspiring to create a movie and doubly so by having some realistic chance of my script making it to the big screen.

I could go into exactly what the redneck's comment entailed, but getting sued by this white trash hillbilly isn't something worth risking. Trust me, it's best when the ignorant, white trash redneck proves a profound ignorance and repugnant bad intentions in one sentence. To that redneck, "Thank you very much." I really mean that and appreciate your stunning confirmation of what I've known for decades. You live the life you deserve every single day, you stupid, white trash hillbilly.

So what the hell does this have to do with Clint Eastwood and Gran Torino? I read a couple reviews of Gran Torino that took issue with Clint Eastwood's racism and the level of "acting" by other characters. For those not too acquainted with screenwriting, it's called an 'arc'. That's a little word that means someone changes in the course of a movie. I think some people are troubled by Clint Eastwood's racism and the thought that maybe he didn't change or change enough.

Here is something that some people understand and many don't. Almost everyone has something that can be picked at to cause the person pain. It's actually every single human who has this 'flaw' that can be maliciously identified. There are some people so ignorant that they have little or no knowledge of their own flaws. They're perfect. They're so fucking perfect, that picking at the 'flaws' in others is the self-delusion that supports the perfection. These people are racists, hateful and possessing the worst of all qualities, this person has bad intentions.

My white trash, Reicht Wing, 'Christian' relative has bad intentions and is absolutely racist. Clint Eastwood's character may have seemed to be racist, because he picked at 'flaws' as an everyday part of his life. But he sure as hell didn't have bad intentions. Walt Kowalski (had to look that up) fixed things and didn't seem to be in the business of bad intentions. I'd argue that bad intentions are contrary to every part of what the character values. Give me a racist with good intentions any day over truly racist people with bad intentions.

So if my creative aspirations, my screenplay or anything else about me offends you, up yours with a hot poker. Take your fucking bad intentions the fuck away from me, you white trash, Reicht Wing, unChristian, ignorant redneck. You deserve the life you live. Give me a 'racist' who values his friends any day over a stupid fuck with bad intentions. A friend who says something like:

my friend... Thao Vang Lor. On the condition that you don't chop-top the roof like one of those beaners, don't paint any idiotic flames on it like some white trash hillbilly, and don't put a big, gay spoiler on the rear end like you see on all the other zipperheads' cars. It just looks like hell. If you can refrain from doing any of that... it's yours.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Chocolate birthday cakes and screenplays

My girlfriend's sister's boyfriend's grandson turned 6 on December 20th. It was my mission to bake him a cake. It's the same chocolate layer cake I've made about five times before. There's definitely a limit to what I can do in the kitchen. Potato skins, damned fantabulous chili, peanut butter cookies (don't let the batter get warm, ever), vanilla cupcakes and chocolate layer cake is just about all I can create in the kitchen. Everything else turns out to suck, really badly suck and then ends up in the garbage.

It took me longer to find the recipe on the internet than it did to make the cake. And that's not because any search for chocolate celebration cake brought up any porn. If you want to find it, just google this "America's Celebration Cake". It should be at the top of the list on wilton dot com.

It's not my favorite cake, but it's pretty decent. That's what everyone seems to think, it's pretty good cake and frosting. The most common comment is that it has chocolate chips in the cake. It gets eaten by everyone who tries it.

The ingredients are awfully common stuff. The chocolate flavoring for the cake is actually flavored from a half bag of chocolate chips, with the rest stirred into the batter. The finished product comes out a lot better than you would expect without any fancy or unusual ingredients. I do refuse to buy clear vanilla, so the middle vanilla frosting isn't snow white.

Frosting the cake is a real challenge for me. Like a "challenged" challenge. The genetics for cake decorating are not in my DNA, but I try. The results are a bit comical. The harder I try, the worse the result. So I do the best I can with the frosting and then seal it up in a plastic cake carrier. Done! Ugly, tasty and done!

What does this have to do with screenwriting? I started to think that my cake should be called the tentpole cake. Then I looked up the definition and wasn't so sure. It looks like my understanding of a tentpole movie was wrong. My thinking was that it is a film that appeals to everyone under the tent, kind of like my chocolate layer cake. Wrong!

Hopefully my skill as a screenwriter pays off somehow, because my baking abilities are severely limited. See, I still want to write just like that chocolate cake. Basic stories without fancy ingredients. The kind of stuff that people like more than they would ever expect from the simple ingredients. Some recent successes really fit that example. Gran Torino, Juno & The Wrestler to name a few. Simple stuff that you can devour many times and still enjoy!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Health Care and a telephone

Everyone seems to be on the way to being forced to purchase health care from the criminals who run the health care industry. If there is a god, goddess, Gods or Goddesses out there watching over us, it seems like we can't make them too happy in our US of A. Halfway around the world we use the latest and greatest technology and way too much money to kill people in a war that we started.

Right here in our own country, we withhold the latest and greatest technology and any money at all from people dying from diseases through no fault of their own. Don't give that sniveling patriotism excuse, because it just makes no sense at all. If you have to wave your flag at enemies, your flag can be a simple symbol of your own insecurity.

The former Soviet Union was brought down by a hot war in Afghanistan and a cold war that lasted a generation. In the 1980's, I knew the country was done for. How? They had ceased to work for their own people. Elevators didn't work, people went without, roads crumbled and people stood in lines. So here we are with a hot war in Afghanistan and Iraq and a cold war on terrorists who are the mirror image of our kooky religious Reicht.

We have become a people lacking in common sense and intellect. Polarized political parties and religious dogma that plain makes no sense to me. The real problem is that a privileged elite class perpetuates the class, political and religious divides to enrich themselves and their families. We're left with people unable to step out of the chaos they've created.

Maybe it's always been this way, and it's simply a part of human psychology to take sides and hoist flags at one's enemies. If a wish came true to make me your supreme ruler, THEN things would change. Would I become your philosopher king? Hellz yeah, some shit would change.

First thing would be to make sure we became a country where the lowest level of health care available is better than any other country. It would start today with the same dedication in technology and assets that we utilize to blow people up halfway around the world. You'd see a lot of people walking around a whole lot more comfortable and happy than they are today.

Second, I'd make a law, a very serious law. The penalty would be stiff and immediate. In my law, every home and place of business would be required to have one telephone with a cord. Yes, I know there are a zillion cell phones around and portable phones all over every home. But why the hell can't I ever find a telephone when one starts ringing? There's a place where the portable phone should be, but there's almost never a phone there. When I take over, there will be an old fashioned phone there that you can toss across the room, and it still works like a charm.

That's right! One old fashioned corded phone and health care when I finally get my chance to run this here country. That would be a start.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

A night of Hotel California through the Appalachians

There are some songs that you remember exactly where you were when you heard it first. For me it's an entire album, Hotel California by The Eagles. Each time one of the songs comes on the radio, I remember exactly where I was in the 1970's when I heard that entire album.

It's possible that the album had already been released. It was either December of 1976 or March of 1977. My dad, two brothers and my older brother's friend, Bob, were driving from Michigan to Florida. We were listening to WLAC AM. At that time it was a 50,000 watt powerhouse pumping out music for a thousand miles in every direction from Nashville, Tennessee. I spent many nights in Kalamazoo listening to WLAC on a portable radio.

It was the middle of the night when WLAC announced that they would be playing the Eagles' album Hotel California without a break. When the first song started (Hotel California), I remember that my brother's friend Bob said "Bad!" My dad turned up the radio, which was a bit unusual for him. We rode through Appalachians in the dead of the night while The Eagles played songs that would become etched into my memory forever.

As a fourteen year old kid, it's tough to think that anything you can do will influence anything. If I could go back and talk to that 14 year old kid, I wonder what I'd tell my younger self? I wonder what I would tell everyone else who was in that Ford Country Squire station wagon on that wonderful night? It was a pivotal time for everyone in that car. We'd all face heartbreak and tragedy in our own ways.

I wonder if anyone else in the car that night remembers cruising through the shadows of the Appalachian mountains while listening to The Eagles? Do they remember that night each time that Hotel California starts?!

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Writing daily, not

How many times have you been told to write every day? I've heard it so many times that I'd actually come to believe it. For many writers, it just might work to slave away at the keyboard each and every day.

After finishing a first draft on my last script, my fingers haven't done much typing on anything that resembled a screenplay. The advice that I'd even give myself is to move on to that next spec script waiting in the wings. That spec script that's been waiting there for a year while two others got done.

The past couple days, the drive has come back to get back into one or more scripts. Nothing was accomplished in the past three weeks, and I wouldn't have it any other way! Most likely nothing that was done in those three weeks could be considered a real accomplishment. Then the creative side of my brain came back from its mental thrashing to ask for more.

If you're the type of person who loses interest if you don't write every single day, then definitely write on your schedule. If you're like me, don't feel guilty about taking a break after abusing your mind for months on end. Don't let unrealistic goals become a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure to meet unrealistic standards.

This might seem off-topic, but I'm always amused by this SAD or seasonal depression thing. Yes, it's real and probably devastating for some people. We humans lived by the seasons only a few generations ago. It's entirely possible that you are genetically predisposed to not doing too much in the winter. Then in the spring you get ready to "plant the crops", maybe relax a bit in the summer, and work hard to harvest the crops in the fall. Recognize you're a human animal, just like the birds that nest and migrate by instinct.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Writing for a budget

A period piece that I read recently had a bit of a problem. The first fifteen or twenty pages would have been big budget by any standards. It was an interesting concept that would be difficult to market, like most any period piece. For this script, the first fifteen or twenty pages of the script would have had a bigger budget than all of the rest of the script. That would definitely be a problem.

One of the big problems that I had with the script was the recurrent thought about how that first 15 or 20 pages was too costly and needed to be dumped. It bugged me nearly the entire time that I read the script. The story would be better and more marketable without that initial costly drama, but would it be as entertaining?

Then I got to thinking that the plot points wouldn't be correct with most of the first act gone. Maybe it's too much thinking going into a spec script that isn't my spec script! Since I do have a period piece script, the film budget is something that I'll never be able to avoid when reading any period piece or other screenplay.

When it came to my own period piece, the entire script was written with an eye to keeping the budget down and to still be entertaining. And I've had some legitimate interest in the script. Would I have had the same interest if the script started off with 15 or 20 pages with a big budget? No, I don't think it would and doubt it would get read much past that point.

This regard to cost has even extended itself to actual movies. The other night, I watched the original BACK TO THE FUTURE (1985) and kept wondering how much it would cost to even get all those 50's and 40's automobiles in one place to shoot the film. So it looks like I'm going to have that budget consideration run through my head even while watching movies. Damn it!

I recall reading a comment by screenwriter Kyle Killen. Kyle wrote THE BEAVER that was recently being shot in New York City. His script was pretty low budget from what I remember from reading it. His comment was something funny about how much money was being spent to create the Beaver hand puppet(s). The first thought to hit my mind was that the cost was probably minimal compared to what Mel Gibson would make for playing the lead. Hopefully Kyle makes a killing on the movie and kicks out a couple more entertaining scripts that make it to film.

What I'm getting at here is that a period piece or any spec script should be written to control the budget. Think about how much it will actually cost to create the world you've created in a scene. I know it doesn't matter as much for CGI (cartoons), but most of those are remakes of something that wasn't originally a movie. My point with this entire post is a script can contain scenes that are either prohibitively expensive or not technically feasible without turning it into a cartoon. That can ruin any chance your script has and can stop a read at page 15. Make sure to consider the budget while creating your masterpiece..


Thursday, December 3, 2009

Stuck in the middle with me

What is it with the second act of a screenplay that puts the brakes on the creative process? It usually takes me 10 times longer to do the second act than the first and third. Right now, I've got a script that sat idle for a year so that I could concentrate on two others.

Now those are done, and it's time to get back to a screenplay with a very nice concept. It would be a whole lot better prospect if gasoline prices rose to $4 again. I've spent about three weeks just avoiding working on it at all. It's there looming in its own little file on my computer. I've even thought of ditching it for a while longer in favor of some other idea for a story.

The real problem is that I know it's a nice concept, and I probably have at least one person in the industry to give it a read. Today the answer to my sticking point came to me out of nowhere. I had a protagonist in a somewhat similar situation as Harrison Ford in The Fugitive. He's a fugitive from justice and worse. But a former love interest figures out he's been set-up and finds him at a place that holds sentimental value to the protag.

That's where I've been stuck right at the turning point in Act 2. Today it came to me. He ditches her, rather than let her be drawn further into very real danger. The script can pretty much be finished now, because the end is almost always in my head when working on the first act. Sometimes the end and third act changes a bit, but it's about 75% done in my head.

My last script, Someone Is Watching, has a nice ending that pretty much turned out like I wanted. Any differences only added to how the 3rd act worked. If you're reading this and want to read that script or any others, simply drop me an email.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Premonitions & a psychic

There have been several times in my life when I've had premonitions. Not supernatural stuff, just weird little things that lead to something bigger. We'll see how my recent premonition turns out. Like so many premonitions, the end point of the situation is often much different than any expected result.

It's tough for me not to believe in premonitions and psychics for one specific reason. During a weekend vacation to Florida in the 80's, a friend paid for me to see a psychic. She was an elderly woman in Venice and not like you'd expect from most psychics. I remember almost nothing of what she talked about except one unusual thing.

There was a disco, Dance Fever guy that I worked with in Chicago. He had this odd habit of singing "Pu-pu-pump up the volume" and doing a little disco move. It was one of those things that gets irritating on the second occurrence. I think there was another part to his singing that went "Pu-pu-pu-put the needle on the record". I'm wondering if the guy is still singing his dance tune and doing his disco move 20 years later. I'm betting that a few drinks still brings out the boogie fever.

Out of absolutely nowhere, this psychic did his dance move. It was mostly an odd, circular arm movement, and she nailed it. She asked who did the dance move. I responded that it was a guy at work. She told me that I didn't like him and not to worry about him. The reason not to worry was that he'd be gone soon.

So I fly back into Chicago and take the El train from O'Hare downtown straight to work, suitcase and all. Without being seated at my desk for more than 30 seconds, the Disco King shows up and does his dance move. He then informed me that he got a new job and was leaving to work in disco heaven. (Evidently Oakbrook, Illinois is or was the land of dorky suburban disco fever.) I was pretty much speechless that the psychic's prediction was 100% accurate.

There was nothing that I said or did that could have lead a 70-some year old woman/psychic to copy this guy's signature disco dance move and her amazing prediction. So, yes, I believe it's possible. Hey! My little brush with psychic accuracy just might be worth using for a script?!