Kicking a team player in the face

Many moons ago, I worked for a guy who spouted each and every popular motivational business management phrase in his insane attempt at managing his people. Whatever buzz words flowed his way through the corporate structure became a mantra for months. "Team player", "proactive" and many more. It was always hilarious, because the guy attempted to explain the relevance of these phrases and usually missed any definition that made much sense.

There ought to be a nice phrase for this guy. He had all the hallmarks of the Peter Principle (In a Hierarchy Every Employee Tends to Rise to His Level of Incompetence), but his incompetence was insanity that disguised itself as management. You could almost see his thoughts as he scribbled notes about what to run to his boss with to prove his competence as a manager. It got really sad and quite insane. He tried so damned hard to understand and give examples of how the buzz words were helping the company and his department.

One very specific thing dawned on me later. This guy was exactly what they wanted, a collaborator. They wanted someone willing to do anything to maintain his desperate and pathetic hold on his job, and I do mean ANYTHING. I'm betting his bosses laughed at his pathetic attempts to understand simple buzz words and his examples of how he implemented those plans. While I'm writing this, Stalag 17 is on TCM. This guy is exactly the type of guy that the Nazis needed to perpetrate evil.

There's got to be a word or a cutesy business phrase for this type of person. There should be a cutesy business term just like the Peter Principle for these people. The classic example is Humphrey Bogart tumbling ball bearings in his hand as he loses his mind in a military courtroom. After that scene, Fred McMurray gets liquored up and explains that during peacetime the military runs on guys like Captain Ball Bearings. I believe it was Captain Yellow Stain or something like that in The Caine Mutiny (1954).

The funny thing about this dirtbag was he tried to use one of his "slowguns" to fire me. I wasn't a team player. Team player! He was insane when he made that accusation, cracking up, right at the edge of control. His face quivered, lips trembling, eyes watering. Oh no! NOT A TEAM PLAYER! I wanted to climb over that desk and kick the douchebag right in the face.

This whole rant has something to do with a concept that has been banging around in my head for a screenplay. WWII was the inspiration for movies like Stalag 17, The Cain Mutiny and many more. We've got our own wars today and an economic war being waged within the borders of the US of A. There's likely to be dozens of films as a response to our current wars. Clooney's Up In The Air and Tommy Lee Jones' In The Valley Of Elah are a couple nice examples.

I'd like my screenplay to say something about team players and collaborators. It's The dialogue of characters is banging around in my head. "Team players get bonuses" "Team players are proactive" "Team players don't ask and don't tell"...

I am glad that I didn't kick that dumbass in the face. He got what he deserved and had to find a new team.