Hello from Kalamazoo

Everything I've been involved with in life had a formula to success. There were all these rules and much more talk about just exactly how a person has to proceed to succeed. Whether it was going to college, racing bicycles or screenwriting, there was always a dogma about doing it just right to be successful.

The fantabulous news is that those formulas to success are mostly just a means of wish fulfillment for those possessing an excess of resources. Coming from a fairly lower middle class background, I've dealt with not having many, many things in my life. Part of growing up was realizing just how many advantages of everyday life I didn't happen to possess. Some people will never spend a single day without the advantages of food, clothing and a roof over their heads, etc., but fuck 'em. Seriously, fuck 'em. Up theirs with a hot poker.

A whole lot of those rules and that dumb ass formula to success is meant to make things easier for them and harder for those without "key" parts of the stupid equation. In the years when I could make a bicycle fly, hurting these people gave me great pleasure. That's right, hurting them and making them cry and whine.

There aren't many hills in Chicago, but along Sheridan Road there is a hill at Tower Road. During group rides being first to the stop sign on the top of the hill was a badge of honor. There were a couple "pros" who really liked to be first and second. But neither could ride as well as I could, even on a bad day. I would pace them keeping a one wheel length lead all the way up the hill. At the top, the whining started with excuses about stomach cramps, pedals, races coming on the weekend, blah, blah, blah.

See these boys did everything right according to the formulas and couldn't understand not getting the result that they wanted. I just plain liked seeing that wheel at my side and knowing that they could not pass me. But I could never complete the formula for success that these boys did. My life simply did not contain the advantages to do the right things and have the right things to make A + B = C. But I still was better than C, and it drove these boys crazy.

So maybe you're having aspirations or delusions of writing a screenplay. You don't have the right formula for success. There are things and advantages that you don't possess, AND someone has made you believe that A + B = C. Well, fuck 'em. These people want to utilize an advantage that has nothing to do with talent. They'll spend their entire lives finding the right formula and trying to manipulate that equation.

Guess what? They'll be looking over their shoulders the entire time, knowing that the formula isn't talent. These are the people who whine about Diablo Cody not following the formula. They don't get that Diablo can fart more talent than they'll be capable of on their greatest day at a keyboard. And I'm pretty sure she secretly enjoys hearing them make excuses for being beaten like the girlboys that I whooped on by one wheel length.

Screw the formulas. Right where you are will do. Don't worry about who flies overhead in a jet, because you've got something interesting to say, characters to create and a story to tell. You should understand that formula to success, but don't think for a fraction of a second that you need the fucking thing. If you're a stripper in Minnesota or a crippled-up guy from Kalamazoo, you can do it with what you have. There's an advantage in doing the best you can without following formulas to a tee, use it.